I AM... Me!

Each day I contemplate my blogging challenge for 2020 - "I AM." Each day the language that follows it changes. My mood changes, my energy ebbs and flows, my focus and my mantras change. But here's what remains constant...

I AM - in so many ways - uniquely and spectacularly, ME.



My 2020 challenge comes from the following:

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”

― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Not many of us have read much of Plath's work (or maybe you have - I'd love to hear more!), but this story is not all sunshine and rainbows. It's a story of mental health issues, relationships gone wrong, fear, shame, and tragedy. And most of all, hidden somewhere in the chaos ... hope.  At the funeral of a friend who died by suicide, she whispers the above line.  Deep in her heart, she knows who she is - the words I am, I am, I am beat like her heart. But no one else seems to know her (by her own choice). She is the product of her life experiences, and there's no making it all go away.

Sheesh. That's depressing, isn't it?  No.  And I'll tell you why...

We are all shaped by our experiences and similarly SHAPE OUR REACTIONS to those experiences. We have choices, even though sometimes it feels like we don't. We can choose hope over despair, love over hate, acceptance over judgment, and tenacity instead of quitting. We can ask for help instead of going it alone, we can find joy and gratitude instead of misery and resentment.

No matter what I'm facing, the time of my life, my job, where I live, who I love, I am ME. Unique and wonderful, deserving of love and respect, capable of so much, imperfect and wonderful in my own way.

And sometimes that's hard to remember.  Sometimes we have to step back, sit still, and breathe to get back to it. Sometimes we have to talk to someone else, maybe a friend, family member or professional. Sometimes we have to whisper in time with our heart beat, "I am, I am, I am."

It's easy to judge ourselves against others, it's part of society! Class rank, titles at work, stats posted at the gym (splat points?!), race results, salaries, the size of your house, keeping up with the damn Joneses. But does any of that truly serve you?

I regurgitate the old quote by Theodore Roosevelt "Comparison is the thief of Joy." often - which, coming from a fiercely competitive person (especially in my school days), feels counter intuitive. But as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that comparing myself to others often leads to shame, resentment, or excessive pride - none of which serve me long term. Even comparing myself to myself of the past is tricky business. So much is different and beyond my control. Does comparison drive me to be my best, or use shame and guilt to push me forward in an endeavor that doesn't bring me joy or kills the joy I once had?

Having goals, setting benchmarks, and working towards personal bests are all wonderful endeavors! But these tools, for me, need to be independent of comparison, shame and guilt. Accepting myself, loving myself where I am, for who I am is so much more important.

Y'all. I want to be good at what I do. I want to be fit. I want to be stronger. I want to love and be loved. But most of all... I want to be ME.

I hope that today, and every day, you can connect with all the ways that you are uniquely YOU.

Just a few more days in my 31 Days of The Daily Minute - you can check them out HERE.

Until next time...

Ciao for now!

<3 Jen

I AM ... Hopeful!

The first of my 2020 "I AM" blogs, gang!

I AM ... Hopeful!

It's a wonderful season to find hope. Hope for the future, for success, for will power (at least until Girl Scout Cookies come out next month!), for peace, for safety.

The New Year is a magical time. It's an automatic reset button for life as we know it. I read an article that sited a study claiming that resolutions made at the new year were 40% MORE successful that resolutions set at any other time of the year. Perhaps because of the push to make changes, perhaps because of lots of accountability and support. Whatever the reason, it just FEELS like a great time to hope that we can be our best selves.

That hope was something that had me thinking during my morning walk with the pups. I noticed a city crew taking down yet another Ash tree and I was really sad. It feels like the movie "Fern Gully" here in my 'hood - all the giant beautiful trees are being cut down. But then I thought back to last spring when the tree removal started and also to all the new trees planted in their places. In just a few years those trees will grow and start to provide shade, and I'll get to see their leaves turn in the fall.

Maybe taking the trees down in the first place isn't ideal (though I understand why they are coming down - damn Ash Bore Beatles!), but focusing on the negative isn't going to put those trees back or make me feel better about the stumps left.  No, recognizing the silver lining - the HOPE - that the trees they plant will soon mature and be as beautiful, provide fresh air, and maybe even have some fragrant spring blossoms gave me the boost I needed today.

Ya know what else I'm hopeful for?

I'm hopeful that my good health will continue, with the help of some solid good habits. I'm making time for regular exercise - the easy/fun kind (walking with my pups 2x per day) and the hard/sweaty kind (getting after it in the gym). I'm also fueling my body and being mindful of my Macros. And, honestly, I think working from home has made a big difference in my health - I just come in contact with fewer "sickies".

I'm hopeful that with more sunlight each day, I'll continue to feel good and avoid the dreaded "SAD" that often creeps up on me. We are definitely over the hump (thank you winter solstice!), and I am looking forward to more and more daylight. Truly I am a sunshine girl - it doesn't have to be warm (I wouldn't complain!), but I do love my sun!

Goodness, it feels great to have lots more examples to share, but for now, you get the point.

What are YOU hopeful for today?  My 31 Days of the #Daily Minute (find the videos on YouTube, like, subscribe and follow along!) day 3 today talked about finding three things that bring you hope. What are your three things?  Gosh, I have so many more than three! I HOPE that's the case for you, too!

Let's hear it, gang... hit me up in the comments!
Find me on the socials:  Bookface   Twittersphere   MeTube

We are all made up of so many amazing traits, feelings and talents - I'm excited to share the "I AM" journey with you all!  I'd love to hear more about your "I AM" moments - let's hear about them in the comments!

I am HOPEFUL that you'll have an amazing day, and I'll catch you later. ;)

Ciao for now!
<3 Jen

2019 Wrap Up - One Word Challenge

Happy New Year, Friends!

I can't believe it, but it's true - today is January 1, 2020. Where did 2019 go? Where ever it went, it seemed to be in a damned hurry!

We enjoyed a very chill night at home with friends and family, some pizza and snacks, a game of dominoes and a whole lot of snark (is anyone surprised?). A wonderful way to ring in the new year, I'd say!

Also, it feels good to wrap up a project and I'm excited to put together a project in the shop that will help me remember my 2019 One Work Challenge (I'll get to that a little later...).

As you all know, each month I chose a word that represented where I was that month in my life and business. It had to be a single word, a verb, and the word often took on multiple meanings and purposes.  At first, I thought it would be easy, that coming up with a monthly word to represent all that was happening (or needed to happen) would be a breeze.

Uh, think again Jen.

How do you describe the fear of quitting your full time job, while simultaneously looking forward to the opportunity to work with new folks, in new cities, doing new things? How do you juggle family, friends and a new travel schedule with your love for working with clients in the fitness industry? How do you describe with one word your renewed focus on self care, health and wellness?

Uh...

Exactly. And even though I didn't post a blog entry weekly, I did use my One Word each month in hash tags and posts on my other social media handles, and truly worked that word into my daily moving meditation (read: walks with the pups). I tried to use each word to guide my responses to situations I encountered and help me focus my efforts when I got distracted.

I also made some physical projects to really drive home a few of the words - nail/string art, vision boards, and even homemade t-shirts. I have a really fun project planned for the end, but will need a little help from the hubster and the CNC!

2019 One Word Challenge Words:
Leap, Engage, March, Bloom, Tend, Spark, Focus, Appreciate, Designate, Grind, Celebrate and Believe.

Looking back, all these words have one thing in common: PURPOSE.

Acting with purpose, whether it's to LEAP or to FOCUS, CELEBRATE or BELIEVE, they all point back to living and working with PURPOSE.

Purpose doesn't mean that everything went according to plan, or that I have it all figured out. It means that whatever I was doing, it wasn't by accident. Even if something happened accidentally, my reaction to it was more purposeful this year - less of a knee jerk or panic, and more of a "ok, so now what's the next step?" reaction. Thinking long term and weighing the impact of my decisions was my priority. And, I think it's made all the difference. I'm feeling more grounded, have noticeable less stress, and I feel strong relationships forming in my life.

If I had to choose a word to represent the whole year, looking back, it would be purpose. (I feel a little like Steve Martin in The Jerk, wondering what my 'special purpose' was! HA!)

So, here's a fun way to wrap 2019's words:

I'm going to have it carved into a wood plaque with the company logo and hang it in the office. That way I can always look back and remember some of the excitement, nerves, and hope that helped to shape my purpose in 2019. I've got a long way to go, but boys and girls - I'm on my way!

2020's Blogging Challenge will be similar, but with a little twist:  "I Am ....."

What am I? Well, you'll just have to stay tuned to see! Also watch for my YouTube Challenge in January: 31 Days of The Daily Minute. Each day I'll share a topic or reminder and I promise to keep the topic to about a minute! January 1's is already up! Check out my channel and don't forget to "like" and subscribe! There will be much more coming! 

I hope that all of you had a wonderful 2019, but are looking ahead at 2020 with a renewed sense of passion and purpose! 

I look forward to sharing a heap more with y'all this year - let's get after it!

Ciao for now!

<3 Jen

How will "BELIEVE" Shape Your New Year?

Happy Holidays, Friends!

What a month it's been! After wrapping up the Christmas holiday at home, I found that our "low key / low stress", spend less / do more, time together Christmas was just what the doctor ordered!

While part of me still laments that our tree wasn't bursting at the seams with presents wrapped with care (or hurriedly slapped on paper on Christmas Eve after everyone went to bed), I don't miss the stress, the money struggle, the crowds, or the mess on Christmas Morning.

I can remember many holidays where gifts were played with for 1 or 2 days, items left unused for months (even til the next year) or added to a pile or similar items, with no special memory tied to it, no reason to sit back and say, "remember the year I got THIS". We were slipping into the gift for the sake of gifts habit, and the giving was losing it's meaning.  Sure, sure, some of that comes when your children get older and you just don't know where their spark of interest lies on any given day, or they are of the age where they just buy for themselves the things they truly want.  Our goal has been to make an impact - an experience or items that they will look at/use and think of us.

This year, well, we didn't plan our workshop time very well and our gifts weren't ready on Christmas morning. Note to self - making gifts (cutting, sanding, painting or staining, assembling, etc) takes time and care. No rushing next year!!

But truly the items and the stories that accompany them are really what I hoped to accomplish!  "Remember that time I made THIS and ... "  It may seem like it happened to the Griswolds, but it's the memory and the story that make it special! 

I BELIEVE that this is the feeling I want for the holidays - I want more time with my family (this year, 7 of 8 of my siblings were together on Christmas as my place!), more silly games (I got spanked in Mario Cart AND Monopoly), yummy food (baking breakfast casseroles and sharing the recipes), and watching our favorite movies together.

As we approach the new year, the final year of the decade (remember you count 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, so 2020 is the final year, not 2019), I find myself making lists, building plans, setting my calendar... all while considering if these tasks bring me closer to the life I choose.  Will it bring me closer to my goals and dreams? Will it add value to my life? Will it make me feel good about myself, my family, and be good for my health - physical, emotional, and mental?

If the answer is no - to any of those - I need to move away from that activity. Life is too short to start working backwards.

So, next up on the to do list - my 2020 Blogger Challenge. I'll be writing up a 2019 One Word Challenge finale to discuss an reflect on all that we've been through this year. There have been challenges and changes, victories and set backs. I'm excited for the review and a chance to look back on where we started on this journey! 

But what's next? What focus should I narrow in on? Should I keep it to all things Jen? Or set my sights on a task designed for growth - personal or professional? I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts in the comments!

BELIEVE me, it's going to be an amazing year - and I can't wait to share it with all of you!

With love and cheer this holiday season~
<3 Jen

December One Word Challenge: Celebrate & Believe!

Hello Friends!

We've wrapped up November, and even though Birthday Month and Thanksgiving are over, my plan to CELEBRATE continues! December is a great time to celebrate the little things and reevaluate WHY we celebrate. 

I hope you'll join me in celebrating (finding gratitude) daily!

Moving on in my One Word Challenge, I've decided that BELIEVE is a great way to finish out the year.

In what ways will I BELIEVE this month?

I'm a little past the point of believing in Santa, but...

• I believe in the generosity of myself and others!
  I love to see Giving Tuesday posts on social media, and am excited to be part of several events and non-profits who have a positive impact on our community. Without a generous spirit, our community wouldn't be such an amazing place!
  Also - I've done some fundraising and plan to ride in an event called SPIN4 to raise money and awareness for the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation. Learn more and donate  HERE.
  
• I believe in spending time with those that we love.
  It doesn't have to involve expensive gifts, or fancy trips. Sometimes it's playing in the wood shop building something together. Sometimes it's coffee or lunch. Other times it's just a long phone call catching up. While opening a thoughtful gift is always fun, it's the person giving the gift that we love!
  
• I believe in myself and my abilities.
  Sure, I have moments of doubt (uh, almost daily), but then I'm reminded that my track record for getting through tough sh!t is about 100%. That's legit. So... F.I.L.D.I.!! (Thanks to my pal Joey for sharing the video linked - it's a great kick in the butt!)
  
• I believe that the work I do is valuable. 
  As I navigate the M3Living & Events life - I'm realizing that we all have gifts that contribute to the work we do. I'm starting to give myself credit for what I bring to the table, and placing a value on those skills. No one can live on "exposure" or good karma. Sometimes you HAVE to strike a deal that involves money. It is what it is. It doesn't make you a bad person, or greedy, or whatever your brain may be saying to you.
  
• I believe that I'm one lucky girl. 
  I've been practicing gratitude and recognition in my daily meditations - and man, the list of things I'm thankful for just goes on for miles. Considering the basics (food, shelter, family, my health) and the myriad of "extras" in my life that I never dreamt were possible. The people I get to work with - in the gym, at events, and through my creative outlets are amazing. And my family, though certifiably crazy, is everything.
  
• I believe that I have to take care of myself before I can take care of others!
  My physical, mental, and emotional health has to be my priority. Things like getting the right nutrition, moving every day, getting my meditation in daily, and taking the time to read and listen to information that helps me learn or be informed all help keep my healthy scales balanced!
  
  If you'd like to discuss how nutrition and functional movements can improve your life DAILY, I'd love to visit with you! Simple solutions for our complex lives, schedules and budgets are where it's at! Reach out to me HERE. 

That's not all I believe, but you get the idea. I believe in the good things in life, that they can't all be wrapped up, and yet they are some of the most profound gifts there are. Belief in myself and all of the amazing moments in this life. Even the challenging days, the budget crunch, and the feeling of being lost ... they all disappear when I remember to BELIEVE.



In what ways do you BELIEVE? Tell me about it in the comments!

Here's to a Holiday Season and a New Year filled with believing in all the most wonderful things!

All my best to you and yours,

<3 Jen

November One Word Challenge: CELEBRATE!

Happy November, Friends!

Already it's been a busy, whirl wind sort of month. My focus this month is to CELEBRATE! Celebrate? Really? With all the hubbub and holidays coming up?  YES. Absolutely.

If you know me at all, you know that I celebrate BIRTHDAY MONTH. After all, we should be excited for each year we have the opportunity to live, to impact those around us, to experience all the amazing people, places and adventures in our lives. I mean, what's more amazing than celebrating YOU?!

I hear all the time that people don't celebrate their birthdays. I'm baffled. It's your birthday, celebrate how you want. Maybe it's being alone and enjoying a good book, a movie, or a solo hike. Maybe it's with friends sipping margs (Mango Marg at the right from Matt's El Rancho, ATX) and eating too much guacamole (which is an oxymoron, there's no such thing as too much quac!). Maybe it's dancing till your legs give out, and maybe it's having a quiet day with your family.  Whatever way you choose to celebrate, I think the most important part is to acknowledge that YOU.ARE.AMAZING. And just that is 100% worth celebrating.

This year has just zipped by - I can hardly believe that I'm coming up on a birthday and the end of the year just behind it. Just the other day it was December and I was planning a little writing project for 2019. I mean, I blinked, and it's almost a year later!

I for sure have grown and learned a ton this year, mostly about myself and the life I want to live, what and who make me happiest, and what sort of impact I want to have in the world. Of course I'm still growing and learning, leaning on mentors and industry experts, and have BIG PLANS for the rest of this year and moving into 2020. 10 events so far this year, fitness & nutrition, and writing projects, and we're just getting warmed up! More reasons to celebrate, for sure.

One of the most important lessons I'm learning, and hope to pass on to others, is EXPERIENCES OVER THINGS.

Kennebec River Views, near Augusta Maine. #theMaineEvent

I've just gotten back from 3 nearly consecutive events in October/early November (CHI, DM, ATX) and had the opportunity to tag along on a work trip with the hubster. YES PLEASE. I'm calling it "the Maine Event" - not because we had any real reason for me to be here, other than to celebrate birthday month on a trip with someone I love, exploring someplace new, and adding to my experiences bank. I had a wonderful roaming walk today, logged 13+ miles, breathed fresh air, met some DILPs (dogs I'd like to pet), took time to swing, stopped and smelled the flowers, popped in small town shops, and just soaked it all in.

And, to be honest, that is about as good as it gets, solo time wise. I'm also a people person, so there are some days when I need people and activities to recharge my batteries. This time in my life, I recognize my need for both. I haven't always been aware of what I needed to fill my cup - just what made others happy. I'm still a people-pleaser by nature, but I've learned to temper that against what I need. And it feels so good.

Y'all - take time to celebrate. Birthdays. Small wins. Big wins. Chances to learn and improve. A beautiful day. A rainy day. A good book. A great joke. A new job. A day off. Free wifi. No wifi. A long walk. A scenic drive. And the gratitude attitude just goes on and on and on and on and on.... (you get it).

So. Many. Reasons.

How will you CELEBRATE this month? 

 We'll 'chat' more soon... until then...

Ciao for now!

<3 Jen

Keep Grinding, Even When Motivation Wanes

Keep Grinding, Even When Motivation Wanes

Y'all - my motivation is seriously lacking. I can't put my finger on why, but sitting in the office and working has really been a challenge lately. I'm working on turning off the multitasking monster, but staring at outlines and project timelines, and pages of writing has me feeling a little overwhelmed and sapped.

I recognize that this is not productive.

Here are some of the thoughts that I've been beating back lately, despite my commitment to the GRIND:

• I'll never finish it, why start?
• No one will read it, why bother?
• I'm not a transformation or inspirational story, why would people follow me?
• The proposal is going to be denied, why submit it?
• I'm no good at webdesign, I'll just wait until someone else can help me.
• I'm no expert, who cares what I have to say?
• I can't start that until someone (insert one: better, smarter, stronger, more creative) is here to help me.
• I have a "face for radio" - no one wants to see me on YouTube or in a "Live".
• I've never done anything big in my life, what makes me think I can start now?

I also recognize these thoughts as unproductive, and largely untrue. So why do they still echo in my head and keep me from accomplishing all the things on the meticulously crafted to do lists I've created to take over the world?

Because I'm human, I guess. Because when things are going pretty well, and I feel good about who I am and what's going on, I immediately question if that's okay, if I deserve the good things coming, and should keep on going. I wonder if I'm smart enough, strong enough or creative enough. I question my motives, methods, and abilities.

WTF, right?

Here's the gist of it:

In response to fear, I stop short of failure. I get <this close> and then stop. Quitting of my own volition is better than falling flat on my face, no? Wait, I think I know this one (logically, at least): No. No it isn't. So how does this mindset take root? Years and years of practice, that's how. I'm not going to get into family life, history of relationships, challenges and losses, or any of the parts of my own personal history, but I promise you - it's there. Fodder for me and a therapist to hash out. But I have some control here. I will adjust what I can control - my mindset.

Today's new mantra: WHAT IF I FLY?!

The real kicker is that I genuinely believe that I AM smart enough, strong enough and creative enough, logically.  So what's the rub?

I've decided to do some reading about entrepreneurs and self-awareness. I have queued up a few podcasts and have added to my Audible listening list, trying to understand the deep down reasons, the lessons to learn from, and the paths forward to my best self. (Brene Brown is a fabulous resource, if you didn't already know.)

So, I have updated my mental to do list (Notice the choice of wording - WILL, not should. Should invites judgment and comparison.): 

• I will UN learn some bad habits that have held me back - seemingly to protect myself. 
• I will recognize and lean into my strengths and play into those, and ask for help on my areas of weakness.
• I will logic my way through these processes, with deliberate steps.
• I will celebrate the wins, and learn from the failures (to FAIL is the First Attempt In a Line).
• I will surround myself with supportive and generally awesome people.
• I will stop and breathe, reflect, and show myself compassion and love instead of judgment and shame.

Friends, I'm here to tell you that I'm far, FAR from perfect. I have bad days, I get into trouble, have fights, feel helpless and hopeless sometimes, laugh and have fun, joke and sing, have creative bouts and big time slumps. Feel like my children and geniuses, or feel like I've failed them. I am insecure and confident, depending on the day. I'm both proud and ashamed of parts of myself and my life. I know a little about a lot, but I want to know a lot more. I have so many good things and people in my life, but sometimes wish for more.

My life is a challenge, but isn't that a given? I mean, do any of us really think we're gonna get out of bed and all the good things would just be laid at our feet? Newsflash, you're still asleep!!  I'm a realist, and recognize that I have to work for my rewards. Some days are just harder, ya know?

So, for today, I'm going to keep on the GRIND, leaning on friends and family to help motivate me to small wins. I've narrowed my to do list for today down to just 3 tasks (this blog post is one of them).  I've committed to myself that I will complete these three things and then take the pups out and have yummy leftovers and maybe finish my most recent for pleasure book. 

Compromise, right? GRINDING doesn't have to wear you down. Sometimes it makes you sharper.

Here's to becoming sharper!!

Ciao for now,

~Jen <3