2021: Now What?

February 1, 2021

I started thinking about this post over a month ago, before the end of 2020, when I really REALLY wanted to get back to who I am, who I want to be, who I want others to see me as.

But I didn't.

The Truth: I'm struggling. 

I'm struggling with loneliness and isolation. I'm struggling with physical and mental motivation. I'm struggling to find joy in the things that used to make me happy. I'm bitter at the people flaunting mask free vacations and parties, NYE out with groups of people not in their immediate families. I'm bitter that friends and family who have been sick and are struggling to recover. I don't have close friends/family who have passed away as a result of Covid, but I'm 1 person removed from a LOT of folks who've lost their battle. I'm bitter that my business, my livelihood, has been on pause for over a year and I don't see a clear restart date. 

The best way for me to describe it is "Survival Mode vs Prosper Mode" - I'm just trying to get through. It's the best I've got right now.  I have put off my goals, dreams, and projects, waiting for "normal" to come back. And then it hits me - the old normal, the way we are used to things, whelp... I don't think it's coming back.

And that is the first thought in a downward spiral that I just can't seem to shake. Depression leads to inactivity, which makes me depressed, and lather, rinse, repeat.

So, how do I flip the script? Great question. If I knew, I'd be there.

I'm happiest when I have a mission, a purpose, a deadline, and accountability. Self imposed or externally set, I am most successful on a schedule. I've made some progress, and have lots of work to do to get off this struggle bus.

So, here's where I'm at:

Movement:

In January, I started with a movement challenge - 30 minutes of intentional movement: Dog walks, yoga, workout, Pilates videos, Scooping snow, whatever - as long as it was 30 minutes, on purpose. Color in the day if you accomplish that 30 minutes. 

Here's January:

My goal is 4 workouts a week, but to get started I felt like any movement, as long as it was intentional, could count.

Time to up the game. I'm going to color coordinate warm colors for workouts, cool colors for more "passive", but intentional movement.  

Recovery is important, and I don't want minimize the importance of that, but I also want to be clear about my goals and know if I'm on track to accomplish that. This visual method works for me. It's a little thing to color in that space, but it's an accomplishment on days when you don't feel like you've accomplished much else.

I also purchased a stationary bike for the house, so on days when it's just too cold/snowy/stupid to get outside or head to a gym, I've got that for a cardio option.

Ok, so that is how I'm moving forward with movement. In what ways are you staying active? What are your goals and how are you tracking your progress? Want to meet up for a workout, walk, or to go sledding? I'm a YES to all of those things! We can be socially distant and masked!

Nutrition:

This is always a challenge, even when I have great tools in my toolbox. When I'm down, food is my crutch. I like to bake and cook when I'm grumpy, and I was raised not to waste food. But with Covid restrictions, I don't see anyone to give the treats away. So, "waste not, want not" and down the hatch they go. I'm starting fresh this month, trying to get back into the fuel my body mindset, but allowing some yummies. 80/20 rule!

I'm always down for yummy new recipes - so if you have a recipe that has knocked your socks off, I'm always game to try it! I've also ordered my first Hello Fresh box. I won't do them weekly, maybe one box a month, but I think zipping something new into my cooking routine will be good for me.

I've got my superfood nutrition with Isagenix, and started on my Collagen elixir supplement. I'm putting myself on a 28 day challenge - if I stick to the program, I ALWAYS feel better physically and mentally. Back to basics, as they say.

If you're interested in learning more about my superfood nutrition, our new marine collagen, skin care, or sports performance - I'm always happy to share. When I get out of my own way and actually follow the program, I feel amazing. Mentally, I've just been lazy and unmotivated, which begets more of the same. Time to get back on program and reinforce good habits. It saves time and money, and I feel amazing - so, it's time to get dialed in.

Mental Health:

Here's where the struggle gets real. I know the benefits of gratitude and meditation, and yet over the last several months, I've not been able to focus on being present as much as I'd like and I've been resentful instead of grateful. 

I've added some reading and listening to my days to help find perspective, to learn about others (more non-fiction that I'm used to reading, to be honest), and get out of my own head a bit. That does seem to help.  I'll have a separate post about what I'm reading. For now, send me your favorite recommendations! If you have a book to lend me, I'll take great care of it and return it post haste!

The part time gig, meant to be a stop gap for a few months (that keep stretching on and on) is more stressful than it needs to be and is also physically demanding. Knowing I have to go there the next day sours my evening. Coming home after a unorganized, understaffed day sucks the energy and any will to do something for myself away. I know it's temporary - but not temporary enough!  At some point, soon, I'm going to have to address if my business can continue in the age of Covid, or if I need to move forward with a new career choice. Only time will tell.

The hardest part for me is missing my people. I'm an extravert by nature. I want to be out, have people over, meet for lunch, workout together, see movies, go to concerts, grab a comedy show, and travel and work with new people as often as I can. But right now, those activities are irresponsible, could cost me or someone I love our health. What's worse, while many of us are suffering, following the rules and doing all that we can to mitigate, we get to bear witness to folks on social media traveling, hanging out, throwing parties, holiday gatherings - all mask free and living it up. ARGH! 

It's like working on a group project and you're the only one doing the work. We'll never get through this if we don't all work together, in the same direction! So, instead of finding gratitude that I am healthy and I'm able to do my part in slowing the spread, I'm angry, bitter, and judgmental of those people who can't be bothered to think of others before they think of themselves.

If you know a way to help me cope with this issue, I'm all ears. 

What all this amounts to is: I need an action plan. For now, I'm focusing on the things that I can control. I'm building some accountability in, specifically in areas that I know affect my mood (movement, nutrition). But that's not enough.

I'll be working on my Big Five in the coming days: The five big goals that I'll lay out for 2021. 

These five things usually involve large scale projects, skills to learn, or changes to be made. I'm chewing on a few options, but need to evaluate which have the potential to impact me in the most positive way, both during the process and after it's completion. After all, life isn't a destination, but a journey. I want to benefit from both. 

Perhaps having a positive focus, timelines and projects to keep my brain active and not dwelling on the things that I can't control will be beneficial. I'll let you know how it's all going.

So, now what? 

Time to refocus, time to listen to myself, time to do what I know, time to ask for help.

I hope you are all well and staying safe! Move every day, eat healthy food, get some rest, love more, and wear your mask.

Ciao for now!
<3 Jen

I AM ... DETERMINED

Hey friends!


It's hard to believe this year already. I saw a meme today that pretty much sums it up:

I'm 100% over this year. With all that's going on in the world - pandemic, politics, rude people, toilet paper hoarders, and spring breakers... I'm just over it. As important as I know all these steps are to "flatten the curve" - I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't VERY worried about the future - in general, but mine specifically! Good thing I AM... DETERMINED!

I'm determined not to let this new situation bring me down. Sometimes, easier said than done.

I had a rough one last week - tried to find inspiration and the podcast I chose had the host talking to his mom about growing up. I ugly cried. I miss my mom and would do anything to be able to have that kind of chat with her right now. His message was positive, but I was overcome with grief and didn't process it well. 

We got the news that parent's weekend was cancelled for my youngest who is at OSUT (basic training). I miss him and know that he's fine (he was able to call home and check in), but that added to my feeling of disconnection.

I bet you knew this about me - but I'm definitely an extrovert! I need my people time to 'charge my batteries'. But in order to do my part, it's me, the pups and the hubster. That's it. While I love my boys - sometimes you need some other people around. (Now y'all know why I have whole conversations with my dogs! I'm not crazy, I just need to get out more!) I'm always down for a chat, conference, or hike (while staying 6 feet apart) - if you're looking for some recharge time like I am.

So, to keep myself busy and DETERMINED:

💗I've just learned that TODAY Patrol Notes is live on Amazon! I'm so excited!! It took some patience and determination to get it done, dealing with an online publisher has it's own set of challenges. But when you put in the work, things get done! Get a copy, leave a review, and let's meet up so I can autograph your book. ;)

💙I've moved on to the next edition (Patrol Notes 1) - I know, it's out of order. I did that on purpose. I'm starting on the art for it this week. I'm not an artist, but I'm DETERMINED to let this book come from me (maybe with some more help from my sister).

💚Also, I'm still working toward a couple of events that haven't (yet) been cancelled or postponed - I'm hopeful that by late summer we'll be back to hitting up our favorite events, responsibly, and taking care of all the small businesses that need us!

💜I was gifted a fantastic new hobby - a Ukulele! (Yes, I'm a very lucky girl with the best peeps!)  I'm excited to start learning how to play and jammin' out some songs by the fire pit this summer. I'm DETERMINED to let this be the first instrument I can play! I always wanted to play, but growing up that was never in the budget. I sang instead. That was free.

💛Because I know how I get when I'm down, I've been making time to exercise and yesterday made arrangements to borrow a stationary bike from the gym where I teach. I did a 45 minute master class this morning and holy geez, I need to do that every day! What a fantastic way to start the day. Now, I need to find a spot to put my TRX suspension trainer up! I bought it for travel, but seems like having it at home is where I need it most! With no good doors to use at home (multi-level house without much room in front of the doors), I may need to install something outside on or around the deck. I'll share when I get it figured out.

💕The hubster and I have a few projects on the list to work on in the shop, and now that the weather is getting a little nicer, I'll get to spend some time in there creating, wrecking, and rebuilding. Replacing our 6-foot privacy fence is giving us lots of reclaimed wood to fuel our imagination! (That fence is another project we need some nice weather to tackle.)

How are you keeping busy and staying determined while practicing responsible social distancing? I'd love to hear any of your tips and tricks, activities, favorite shows and movies to binge, or healthy recipes you're making! I hope to have one or two to share with you SOON!

Until then,

Ciao for now!
<3  jen

I AM ... WORRIED but HOPEFUL

Hey gang - I'm glad I caught you. Between hand washing and disinfecting your doorknobs and light switches, and checking your email and social media to see what ELSE is cancelled as a result of the COVID-19 virus, I hope you are finding time to take care of yourself.

So, I am ... worried. Not just about being sick, but about the overall impact this will have on my home, community, friends and family all over the US. I mean, I'm pretty lucky... I'm overall very healthy, work from home, and a 6-pack of MEGA roll toilet paper in my linen closet.

The way this will impact us is hard to fully realize and may look different for each of us. My daughter works in the hospitality industry, and no one is going out for dinner. Many of my friends work in event production (including me!) and events are being cancelled left and right. (I just learned that the College World Series is cancelled and Disney World is closing!) One of my sisters works in a hospital, and she'll have to be there and thus be exposed to sick people. My son is in OSUT (basic training) in Georgia and I've got no way to check in with him besides sending letters.

Most of the folks I know do not have the option to work from home and have limited vacation and sick leave. Another group of friends are small business owners. How do you keep the lights on when everyone is staying home and there's no one in your shop, no revenue, but bills still come due?

I am trying to take my own advice and find the silver lining in this situation... but I'm struggling.

• More time at home is good. More reading, writing, and tackling some building projects in the shop. 

• People learning the importance of washing their hands is also a good thing (how was that not a thing before?), and folks looking out for one another is encouraging. 

But, to be honest, that's all I got. 

I'm anti-panic, but common sense isn't as common as one would hope. Sometimes it's not a disregard for common sense, but a lack of options. Let's say I'm sick, but I don't have any paid leave, so I take all the OTC drugs and go and struggle through my shift at work. I know I should stay home, but can't afford to lose 8 hours of pay. While I personally don't worry about this scenario, I know lots of folks who do. How about those folks who were raised like me - no blood, no bones sticking out, no ER or office visit. They continue to push through when they really need to be tested. But, co-pays and prescriptions and missing work just aren't options. Not to mention there wouldn't be a test available for them anyway (that's a completely separate rant that's a little heavy on my political opinions).



So, what do we do?

Take a break and breathe. Look out for your loved ones, pitch in to help where you can. WASH YOUR HANDS. Be mindful of covering coughs and sneezes. Disinfect those surfaces you touch most (doorknobs, light switches, refrigerator door, car doors and steering wheel) regularly. Utilize email, conference calls, and video conferencing when possible. Read more. Don't panic. Don't believe everything you see online - do some research. Check in with the CDC and WHO. Be a good human. Hording products like toilet paper is ridiculous and selfish. Make sure you have 2 weeks of medicine (if you take meds regularly). Oh, and did I mention... WASH YOUR HANDS (sing the alphabet song - 20 seconds)! Take care of yourself physically (go for a walk!), emotionally, and spiritually (whatever that looks like for you). None of those things are exclusive to a building, event, or being part of a large group of folks.

It's a scary time, none of us knows what's going to happen. But worry and panic won't make anything turn out better. Remember that the organizations closing and canceling things are really trying to do what's best for us all. It's up to us to find patience and understanding and to work through this challenge with love and grace for our fellow humans. I'm hopeful that we'll all work together and look at what's best for everyone.

Let's all just be decent human beings. Is that too much to ask?

Until next time,

Ciao for now!

<3Jen

I AM ... PUBLISHED

Hey friends,

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood - not just because it's almost 60 degrees and sunny outside (which makes be VERY happy... especially since this week last year I was scooping on to snow piles that were almost five feet high!), but also because I can cross one of my BIG FIVE off the 2020 list...

Patrol Notes has been submitted for Publishing! 

The Ebook is up for presale/preorders and will be released on Friday March 13th. The Paperback is still in the "review" stage of publishing and I'll share just as soon as it's available!

So, this book isn't that big of a deal, really. It's a collection of things I've written over a long time, an idea that I had and some derpy drawings that I scratched out. But it feels like a big deal. Let me tell you about why...

I've come to realize as an adult that my coping mechanism throughout life has been procrastination and quitting.

If you don't finish, you can't fail. 

I was (let's be honest - AM) terrified of being judged and found wanting. I'm a people pleaser to the core and the thought that someone won't enjoy what I write, will think the drawings are terrible, will say that anyone could have done it, and wonder "what took you so long, it's not like it was hard" paralyzed me for years.

I recognize (in hindsight) that I could have done this book years ago. I had the material. I had the means. I had the time. But what I didn't have was the confidence or the "zero fucks" attitude. 

Why, for the love of Pete, do I shrink back from hard things, or big projects, or procrastinate on my dreams and goals? 

Because I can't be judged a failure if I don't start. 

At least not by other people - I have absolutely judged myself a failure for not starting So. Many. Things.

So this is me telling you - BE FUCKING BRAVE. Do it despite the judgement you fear. Do it because failing isn't the worst thing. Regret is. 

I don't want to look back and wonder why I didn't do the things that I KNEW I was capable of, but was too paralyzed by fear of judgement to actually do. Especially not things that are simple, and bring joy, and are so subjected that someone somewhere is bound to say "I don't get it" or "I didn't like it." But damn it - someone might say, "that was funny" or "your dogs are adorable" or "thank you for putting this out in the world, I think I'm going to write a book, too."

There are so many other things I want to do and be and try and fail at - the list is long. And I just might be to a place when I'm ready (and kind of looking forward) to fail. Even failing feels like an accomplishment now.  

So, here's to trying some new stuff, and SUCKING at it. Still counts. No regrets, just lessons.

Watch for more information about the book (and editions to come)... I'll be sure to update the blog and my social media pages.

Until then...

Ciao for now!

<3 Jen

I AM... Me!

Each day I contemplate my blogging challenge for 2020 - "I AM." Each day the language that follows it changes. My mood changes, my energy ebbs and flows, my focus and my mantras change. But here's what remains constant...

I AM - in so many ways - uniquely and spectacularly, ME.



My 2020 challenge comes from the following:

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”

― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Not many of us have read much of Plath's work (or maybe you have - I'd love to hear more!), but this story is not all sunshine and rainbows. It's a story of mental health issues, relationships gone wrong, fear, shame, and tragedy. And most of all, hidden somewhere in the chaos ... hope.  At the funeral of a friend who died by suicide, she whispers the above line.  Deep in her heart, she knows who she is - the words I am, I am, I am beat like her heart. But no one else seems to know her (by her own choice). She is the product of her life experiences, and there's no making it all go away.

Sheesh. That's depressing, isn't it?  No.  And I'll tell you why...

We are all shaped by our experiences and similarly SHAPE OUR REACTIONS to those experiences. We have choices, even though sometimes it feels like we don't. We can choose hope over despair, love over hate, acceptance over judgment, and tenacity instead of quitting. We can ask for help instead of going it alone, we can find joy and gratitude instead of misery and resentment.

No matter what I'm facing, the time of my life, my job, where I live, who I love, I am ME. Unique and wonderful, deserving of love and respect, capable of so much, imperfect and wonderful in my own way.

And sometimes that's hard to remember.  Sometimes we have to step back, sit still, and breathe to get back to it. Sometimes we have to talk to someone else, maybe a friend, family member or professional. Sometimes we have to whisper in time with our heart beat, "I am, I am, I am."

It's easy to judge ourselves against others, it's part of society! Class rank, titles at work, stats posted at the gym (splat points?!), race results, salaries, the size of your house, keeping up with the damn Joneses. But does any of that truly serve you?

I regurgitate the old quote by Theodore Roosevelt "Comparison is the thief of Joy." often - which, coming from a fiercely competitive person (especially in my school days), feels counter intuitive. But as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that comparing myself to others often leads to shame, resentment, or excessive pride - none of which serve me long term. Even comparing myself to myself of the past is tricky business. So much is different and beyond my control. Does comparison drive me to be my best, or use shame and guilt to push me forward in an endeavor that doesn't bring me joy or kills the joy I once had?

Having goals, setting benchmarks, and working towards personal bests are all wonderful endeavors! But these tools, for me, need to be independent of comparison, shame and guilt. Accepting myself, loving myself where I am, for who I am is so much more important.

Y'all. I want to be good at what I do. I want to be fit. I want to be stronger. I want to love and be loved. But most of all... I want to be ME.

I hope that today, and every day, you can connect with all the ways that you are uniquely YOU.

Just a few more days in my 31 Days of The Daily Minute - you can check them out HERE.

Until next time...

Ciao for now!

<3 Jen

I AM ... Hopeful!

The first of my 2020 "I AM" blogs, gang!

I AM ... Hopeful!

It's a wonderful season to find hope. Hope for the future, for success, for will power (at least until Girl Scout Cookies come out next month!), for peace, for safety.

The New Year is a magical time. It's an automatic reset button for life as we know it. I read an article that sited a study claiming that resolutions made at the new year were 40% MORE successful that resolutions set at any other time of the year. Perhaps because of the push to make changes, perhaps because of lots of accountability and support. Whatever the reason, it just FEELS like a great time to hope that we can be our best selves.

That hope was something that had me thinking during my morning walk with the pups. I noticed a city crew taking down yet another Ash tree and I was really sad. It feels like the movie "Fern Gully" here in my 'hood - all the giant beautiful trees are being cut down. But then I thought back to last spring when the tree removal started and also to all the new trees planted in their places. In just a few years those trees will grow and start to provide shade, and I'll get to see their leaves turn in the fall.

Maybe taking the trees down in the first place isn't ideal (though I understand why they are coming down - damn Ash Bore Beatles!), but focusing on the negative isn't going to put those trees back or make me feel better about the stumps left.  No, recognizing the silver lining - the HOPE - that the trees they plant will soon mature and be as beautiful, provide fresh air, and maybe even have some fragrant spring blossoms gave me the boost I needed today.

Ya know what else I'm hopeful for?

I'm hopeful that my good health will continue, with the help of some solid good habits. I'm making time for regular exercise - the easy/fun kind (walking with my pups 2x per day) and the hard/sweaty kind (getting after it in the gym). I'm also fueling my body and being mindful of my Macros. And, honestly, I think working from home has made a big difference in my health - I just come in contact with fewer "sickies".

I'm hopeful that with more sunlight each day, I'll continue to feel good and avoid the dreaded "SAD" that often creeps up on me. We are definitely over the hump (thank you winter solstice!), and I am looking forward to more and more daylight. Truly I am a sunshine girl - it doesn't have to be warm (I wouldn't complain!), but I do love my sun!

Goodness, it feels great to have lots more examples to share, but for now, you get the point.

What are YOU hopeful for today?  My 31 Days of the #Daily Minute (find the videos on YouTube, like, subscribe and follow along!) day 3 today talked about finding three things that bring you hope. What are your three things?  Gosh, I have so many more than three! I HOPE that's the case for you, too!

Let's hear it, gang... hit me up in the comments!
Find me on the socials:  Bookface   Twittersphere   MeTube

We are all made up of so many amazing traits, feelings and talents - I'm excited to share the "I AM" journey with you all!  I'd love to hear more about your "I AM" moments - let's hear about them in the comments!

I am HOPEFUL that you'll have an amazing day, and I'll catch you later. ;)

Ciao for now!
<3 Jen

2019 Wrap Up - One Word Challenge

Happy New Year, Friends!

I can't believe it, but it's true - today is January 1, 2020. Where did 2019 go? Where ever it went, it seemed to be in a damned hurry!

We enjoyed a very chill night at home with friends and family, some pizza and snacks, a game of dominoes and a whole lot of snark (is anyone surprised?). A wonderful way to ring in the new year, I'd say!

Also, it feels good to wrap up a project and I'm excited to put together a project in the shop that will help me remember my 2019 One Work Challenge (I'll get to that a little later...).

As you all know, each month I chose a word that represented where I was that month in my life and business. It had to be a single word, a verb, and the word often took on multiple meanings and purposes.  At first, I thought it would be easy, that coming up with a monthly word to represent all that was happening (or needed to happen) would be a breeze.

Uh, think again Jen.

How do you describe the fear of quitting your full time job, while simultaneously looking forward to the opportunity to work with new folks, in new cities, doing new things? How do you juggle family, friends and a new travel schedule with your love for working with clients in the fitness industry? How do you describe with one word your renewed focus on self care, health and wellness?

Uh...

Exactly. And even though I didn't post a blog entry weekly, I did use my One Word each month in hash tags and posts on my other social media handles, and truly worked that word into my daily moving meditation (read: walks with the pups). I tried to use each word to guide my responses to situations I encountered and help me focus my efforts when I got distracted.

I also made some physical projects to really drive home a few of the words - nail/string art, vision boards, and even homemade t-shirts. I have a really fun project planned for the end, but will need a little help from the hubster and the CNC!

2019 One Word Challenge Words:
Leap, Engage, March, Bloom, Tend, Spark, Focus, Appreciate, Designate, Grind, Celebrate and Believe.

Looking back, all these words have one thing in common: PURPOSE.

Acting with purpose, whether it's to LEAP or to FOCUS, CELEBRATE or BELIEVE, they all point back to living and working with PURPOSE.

Purpose doesn't mean that everything went according to plan, or that I have it all figured out. It means that whatever I was doing, it wasn't by accident. Even if something happened accidentally, my reaction to it was more purposeful this year - less of a knee jerk or panic, and more of a "ok, so now what's the next step?" reaction. Thinking long term and weighing the impact of my decisions was my priority. And, I think it's made all the difference. I'm feeling more grounded, have noticeable less stress, and I feel strong relationships forming in my life.

If I had to choose a word to represent the whole year, looking back, it would be purpose. (I feel a little like Steve Martin in The Jerk, wondering what my 'special purpose' was! HA!)

So, here's a fun way to wrap 2019's words:

I'm going to have it carved into a wood plaque with the company logo and hang it in the office. That way I can always look back and remember some of the excitement, nerves, and hope that helped to shape my purpose in 2019. I've got a long way to go, but boys and girls - I'm on my way!

2020's Blogging Challenge will be similar, but with a little twist:  "I Am ....."

What am I? Well, you'll just have to stay tuned to see! Also watch for my YouTube Challenge in January: 31 Days of The Daily Minute. Each day I'll share a topic or reminder and I promise to keep the topic to about a minute! January 1's is already up! Check out my channel and don't forget to "like" and subscribe! There will be much more coming! 

I hope that all of you had a wonderful 2019, but are looking ahead at 2020 with a renewed sense of passion and purpose! 

I look forward to sharing a heap more with y'all this year - let's get after it!

Ciao for now!

<3 Jen